Goodbye 2010, Welcome 2011!

2010 was a year of firsts. First joys with Emma, first smiles, first laughs, first steps, first hugs. First milestones as a family. First challenges as a married couple. But we made it. The door to 2010 is closing, and I'm glad to put it in the history books. Why? Because despite the joyful year with my daughter, I still spent 2010 feeling like a bitter infertile woman. Feeling secretly jealous of friends who got pregnant (even though I was desperately happy for them). Wondering if I would ever get to feel the amazement of being pregnant again, or whether this was "IT" for me. I pray that God will help me find a way to let go of all that long-held sadness and be content with what I have.

2011 will continue to be a year of first, but also a year of renewed joy as Emma grows and as I throw myself back into my life as a mother, wife, and psychologist. I've made some choices to start spending a few evenings a month away from Emma so that I can become a better teacher, and thinking of possibly starting to apply for jobs at colleges. I want to become more well-rounded as a human being, taking care of my physical, emotional and spiritual health. Emma and I will start toddler/mommy yoga in late January as a way to start my physical health focus, I'm going to spend more time meditating and journaling to take care of my emotional health, and I think it's time to try and go back to church, and see if I can find a home church that will help my spiritual needs. I really want Emma to know church also -- to hear the hymns and learn the stories that I learned as a child.

More than anything, I would like peace. Peace in my heart, peace in the world, and peace for all that suffer. That's not asking too much, is it?

Long-Needed Update on Sleep

Ahhh.... my gorgeous girl got my lovely thin, very static-y hair. Very cute though!


I've been meaning to type a short post on sleep issues again. Not bad things, just an update. So we pretty much gave up for the short-term on having Emma fall asleep on her own in the crib. It was stressful for all of us, and between the teeth, then the illness, and everything else, we changed the routine. Now I just rock her to sleep and put her in the crib.

Amazingly enough, it's working like a charm. We do our bedtime ritual, I nurse her, we read a story, I turn off the light and sing her nighttime song, and then we rock. It typically takes 4-5 minutes for her to fall asleep and then I get my warm Emma cuddles for another 5-10 minutes and put her in the crib. She'll sleep there -- WITHOUT a peep!! -- for a good 2 1/2 - 3 hours. She had been waking up screaming after the first 50-60 minutes in the crib and then taking another 30 minutes to get back to sleep, so this is a huge step forward.

We bring her to bed and I'll dream-feed her, and then we go to sleep. This is where it's still been challenging. She still wakes every 3-4 hours and wants to feed, and I've been starting the night-weaning process but each time I do, it seems like something comes up. The first time it was her gums swelling and we thought her molars were starting to come in. Then it was this virus that took all three of us down. But now we're back on track. Last night was terrible, but the night before.... she slept (drumroll please....) for 6 hours without any problems!!! Unfortunately I was still up every 2 hours between the call of nature and some insomnia, but it was wonderful.

Another step forward is how long she sleeps. She had been waking up when I got out of bed for work, or sometimes waking at 5am for random reasons. But lately she'll sleep typically until 7am, and sometimes even until 8am! We're averaging 12 hours a night. That, plus her one nap (lasting on average an hour and a half), I feel like she's doing ok.

I'm confident that in the next few months that I'll be able to drop the 1am and 3am feedings (she doesn't do the 1am one half the time already unless she's ill or teething), and I'm hopeful to drop the 10pm one after that. So that would meaning nursing at 7pm when we're getting ready for bed and then nursing at 6am when we wake up for the day.

It would be *glorious* if I could get 8 hours of sleep in a row. I fantasize about sleep still, and the longest I've slept in a row since she was born was 4 hours, but I'm also learning how to cope with limited sleep and how to go back to sleep faster after she does pop off from nursing.

And so this isn't a word-only post, here's my gorgeous little girl wearing her supper. We had turkey, pasta with sauce, and mango soy yogurt, LOL.

MmmMmmm.... Yogurt!

Emma does love yogurt! (soy, of course) Daddy thinks she looks a little like Colonel Sanders in this picture.

Merry Christmas 2011

Merry Christmas!

Somehow we survived Christmas Eve, thank goodness. On Wednesday, Emma had vomiting and had to stay home from daycare. By Thursday, the vomiting was gone and she had diarrhea all day, poor thing. She was a trooper through the whole thing. But by Friday night/Saturday morning, Mommy and Daddy had the virus she had brought home. Daddy started vomiting at midnight on Friday night/Saturday morning, and I started around 4:30am. He was done vomiting by noon but was completely wiped out from no sleep. He and Emma took me to urgent care by 8:30am (they open at 8am and had already had 4 cases similar to mine) and they gave me an anti-nausea shot and some IV fluids. Despite that, and repeated doses of the med, I kept throwing up what little was in my stomach until about 8pm last night; the diarrhea has slowed down for me now. Even water wouldn't stay down yesterday. Poor Emma -- both parents were lying on the couch in a stupor. We barely had the energy to change her diaper and feed her. But she mostly self-entertained and didn't destroy too much of the house. I'm proud of my baby girl for handling it the way she did. Ugh... it's the sickest I've been in probably 12 years.

This morning we're mostly recovered. We got up and opened gifts, and spread them out through the day. She got a lot of presents -- with her birthday so close to Christmas, there's a LOT in the house, but we plan on taking 80% of the gifts and storing them in her closet, and then bringing out something new every month (and putting something back in). I'll try to list all the presents here (birthday and otherwise) later so I can remember them all for thank-you cards! :) But in the short term, thank you every one for your generosity! She's had a fabulous day.

One Year Updates

At our ped appointment today, Emma was 29 1/2 inches tall (I think she's probably 30 inches tall but she was very squirmy when they were measuring her), and 19 lbs 11 oz. She would have weighed more, but she woke to vomit this morning at 4am, 4:45am, and then vomited on the way to daycare all of her breakfast (around 8:30) and then threw up again around 9am. I did what I needed to at work and came back to be with her, and she hadn't thrown up again today, but we're just taking it light on the solids and giving her lots of momma milk.

She's walking with ease, climbing up on things, and has learned how to get down safely from the couch and the bed. She grabs with her fingers and has her pincher grip mastered, and can easily transfer things from one hand to another.

She loves food! Her new favorite is hummous, cheerios, yogurt (soy) and of course, cake! She really enjoys chicken and butternut squash. And she's loving strawberries and grapes. We're still breastfeeding (YAY!) and she probably nurses 4-5 times a day and 2-3 times a night. We are starting the night weaning process (disrupted by the vomiting last night, of course).

We haven't had more than 4 hours of sleep in a row since she was born (with that one exception of a 5-hour stretch) where she rouses enough to cry and want to nurse. I am looking forward to her sleeping 8 hours in a row without crying or searching for my boob in the night!

She's talking more and more. She says Momma, Dadda, Kitty, Delilah, Samson, More, All Done, Banana, and today she said "Good Nap" after we were done with her nap. She mimics our words more frequently.

I can't believe the cognitive leaps she's making. At daycare she "helps quite a bit. They ask her to go get a bib out of the drawer and bring it to them, and she will. The other day her primary caregiver asked her if she was tired and wanted to take a nap, and Emma walked over to her crib and waited for Cathy to pick her up and put her in it. She'll pick out her own coat. She pushes her arms and legs through sleeves and pantlegs to help us get her clothing on. She walks all the way out of her classroom, through the building at daycare, and out to my car on her own (she knows which one it is).

She is absolutely a joy and a blessing for us. Everywhere we go, people smile and wave at her, and she likes to wave and smile back. As long as I'm within sight, she has virtually no stranger anxiety. She LOVES other babies (I hope we can give her a brother or sister someday).

I'm excited about our 4 days off together. Hopefully we'll take lots of pictures and get lots of cuddle time. I love my little girl. :)

Birthday Cake, Part 2

Happy Birthday!

My miracle child is one year old today. 12 months. 365 days. I'm still in awe that this little person came out of my body, and that she's thriving so well. I'll do a developmental/growth update tomorrow after her pediatrician's appointment, but let's just say that she's had some cognitive leaps lately that just surprise me. We didn't have the best night last night (I'm starting to night wean her and it's not going great) but it's still wonderful to have her cuddling with me.

Long day at work for Mommy, but I'm sending over cupcakes for daycare and then we'll open presents tonight when I get home. Hope to take and upload pictures later!

Just a Year Ago....

I was sitting in my living room, bouncing on my exercise ball and timing my contractions. We left for the hospital a few hours from now. Tonight I'm watching my baby girl sleep, preparing for a long (long, long, long!) day at work tomorrow, and wondering at the amazing changes in such a short year. I hope to have time to post some pictures and update tomorrow. My little one is turning ONE YEAR OLD!!

Early Birthday Party!

We had Emma's birthday party today -- it was a nice time! We didn't have a big party, just a few close friends, and it was really nice. Here's a few videos.

Preparing for the party!



Yummy Cake!!






Done with cake.... SO full!

Emma's Christmas Dress

We had Emma wear this pretty dress to daycare yesterday, partly because we don't really have any Christmas parties to "dress up" for, but also because there was a sing-a-long at daycare and we thought it would be nice if she could dress up for that. She looked so much like a little girl instead of a baby!

The Model

Here she is! Modeling not only the sweater, but the matching scarf (tucked into the sweater) and hat (with ear flaps!) that Mommy made.

Emma's Sweater!

I finally made an article of clothing! First time I've made something other than a blanket, scarf or hat. It's a gorgeous sweater, and although it's a little snug, it fits. I'm making her a matching hat and will post pictures of her wearing both once I get them, but for the short term, here's a picture of the finished product!

Busy, Busy Emma

As we creep closer to her first birthday, Emma is growing and learning by leaps and bounds. She constantly amazes me, and is a source of daily joy for me. Here are a few fun videos to share.

Emma wearing Daddy's fleece that I made him several years back. :)



This was fascinating -- this morning while Daddy ran out to get a few groceries for our crock pot recipe, Emma found our pans and was very methodical about moving them from one part of the house to another.

Memories

December is a month of memories for me. On this date, three years ago, we learned that we had lost our first baby. I was supposed to be 10 weeks, 4 days along (or something close to that). When I think of that night, those weeks, I remember the pain and grief.... and I realize that even today, there is a profound loss of innocence that I'll not be able to re-capture.

One year ago today, I was rubbing my belly and experiencing my little Trouble kicking, rolling and moving around, reminding me that she was there, alive and with me at every moment. I was so filled with love, and with hope. It was indescribable.

And now... today, I watch my daughter fall asleep in my arms, nestled in her blanket after a day of playing and giggling, of throwing herself at Daddy, burying her face in my neck for snuggles, and it's still amazing, still heart-stopping. I hope and pray I never, ever take her for granted.

And so this isn't just a sappy, word-filled post, here's a video of the last time we were at the zoo, and shots of our backyard fun later on that day. :)

*whew*

It's been a wee bit busy lately. I get up at 6am, am out the door by 7:30, home by 6, Emma in bed by 7:30, paperwork until 9pm, and then scramble to get a few things done until I collapse in bed between 10 and 10:30. I'm not sure if I'm coming or going sometimes! :) I hope there's time to plan my little girl's 1st birthday celebration. One year. There is NO way it's already been a year. Wow.

In the short term, my blog has been neglected but I have time to throw up a few videos. Here she is, playing at the "Planet" playground at the mall. We went there the Saturday after Thanksgiving when we got back from Chicago so that Daddy could take a nap in peace.