Quiet

While I have a moment in between clients and other various things, I thought I'd take a moment to just think outloud. There are only a few moments of quiet in my day, which is actually a really good thing right now. One quiet moment is when I wake up before Emma is up and the next is when I'm rocking her to sleep in the evenings. Why is it a good thing there's few quiet moments? Because if it's not quiet, I'm not thinking. I'm either running after her, fixing dinner, working on paperwork, grading papers, checking emails, crocheting, etc. I don't have to think or feel anything in particular other than what is going on in that moment.

In the quiet moments is when I cry and miss my Mom. My mind wanders to the last time we talked, to what she looked like in the casket, and how Emma's memories of her are already fading. I haven't done much updating here because I get tearful, thinking that this blog was primarily for my Mom and now she's not reading it. I don't know what to write, I really don't know what things to share. I do know others come to the blog and check out things but it's just not the same. This blog was her link to her granddaughter. As was Skype.

I'll try to do a better job and post more, but please readers, understand that this is harder than I realized it would be to keep going here. We haven't even taken as many pictures or videos as we did before, which I want/need to keep doing. Low motivation combined with grief is not a great combo. I'll get there, I promise, but things are still raw.