Strange Night

I've been up since 4am, and once again, everyone else in the house is asleep except me. Although Daddy did come and help out at 5:30 so I could get some sleep, I just couldn't. However, I feel like we had a breakthrough last night! As normal, she fell asleep on Mommy around 7:30 and she slept there until we transferred her to bed around 10:45. She got a diaper change at that point, a TRIPLE-stuffed diaper! Yes, it had two microfiber inserts plus a hemp insert on top. She roused at 1am, 3:30am, 5am and 6am to eat (she usually goes every 2-3 hours, so not sure what was going on with that) but was not wet enough to wake up or squirm for her diaper to be changed.

At 6:15am, she finally needed to be changed and boy, was that diaper heavy! Yes, we actually weighed it -- the triple-stuffed diaper itself weighed 6.5 oz, the soaked diaper weighed 13oz!! And yet her skin stayed mostly dry. I am so impressed.

Daddy watched her while I ate breakfast and pumped, and then they both went back to bed. She's napping in her crib (YAY!!) and he's in bed. I got 7.5 oz out of both breasts this morning, which puts me at officially 100.5 oz of breastmilk in the freezer. I'm so happy about that! I should try to take a nap while everyone else is asleep, but I thought I'd update here and then try to nap a little later. I am completely exhausted.

Between 4am and 5:30am, I did a lot of thinking again. I thought a lot about Emma's namesake -- her Great-Grandma Emma, and how I wish they could have met. Grammy (as we called her) was a neat person, but died in the 80's. She would have turned 98 this year, if she were still alive.

I also thought about how conflicted I feel about some things with our Emma. I'm SO proud of breastfeeding and cloth diapering our child, but I feel so confused about the co-sleeping. On one hand, I love co-sleeping... I love cuddling with her, and being able to immediately feed her when she needs it, and comforting her when she's restless. But I think I really need my space in bed, and to sleep in a position where I'm not worried about squishing her, and I also am someone uncomfortable because all the "experts" say that co-sleeping is a bad thing (despite most of the Moms I've talked to saying they've co-slept at one point or another). I fear that when she starts day care in 2 weeks, she's not going to nap or take a bottle there and just scream bloody murder the entire time she's away from Mommy. It's just going to break my heart.

*sigh* We'll figure it out eventually. My little angel is 10 weeks old today. It does not seem possible that she's already this old!