Doctor Visits

Aaron's 13 day Check-Up:

At birth, his weight was 8lb, 5oz.

At d/c from the hospital, his weight was 7lb, 14oz.

At his last appointment (5 days old), he was back to 8lb, 5oz.

Today, at 13 days, he was 9lb, 5oz!! Way to go baby boy! They said he was 22 inches, but there's no way he grew 2 inches in 13 days. :) Breastfeeding rocks.

His umbilical stump is still there, doc said it should fall off in the next few days. He's trying to hold his head up, even though he really shouldn't be yet.

Emma's 3 Year Check-Up

Big girl weighed in at 29 lbs (35%ile) and 37.5 inches (75%ile). I mentioned her random snoring, and the doc checked her tonsils, which were a little red and swollen. They did a swab, and it turns out she has strep! So she's on antibiotics for a little while.

All in all, it was a really good visit with the pediatrician. Aaron goes back at 2 months, Emma goes back at 4 years.

On a side note, I'll be donating to the Mother's Milk Bank of Central Ohio, and I'm really excited about that. I should easily be able to get over the 200 oz that they request. Since I haven't donated blood for a long, long time (and that's one thing I always enjoyed being able to do), I think this is an exciting next step for me.

Things I'm Proud Of....

*Breastfeeding for 7 1/2 months and no intention to stop anytime soon.

*Cloth diapering despite others' bets that I would quit after a month.

*Holding off on starting solids until 6 months, and then using a baby-friendly technique to help her enjoy the tastes and textures of different foods.

*Taking Emma to the zoo, the conservatory, the park, the state fair, etc., etc., etc. within the first 6 months of her life.

*Losing 55 pounds from my highest pregnancy weight!

There's more, but those are really the top 5 things. And I'm not "shove-it-in-your-face-I'm-better-than-you" proud, but just very much "I-can't-believe-I-did-it-yay!" proud.

And speaking of the State Fair, here are a few pictures from that day.


We started by watching the sheep show, and Emma enjoyed watching the animals and the kids participating.


There was a BIG fan above the arena (and if you click on the picture, it will show up bigger to show you exactly HOW big it was, LOL).


Then I think I mentioned that she got to see the lamb triplets that were all of 5-6 hours old, which she found fascinating.



So cute!

21 Weeks Old

My Emma is 21 weeks old today!

She's been sleeping 2-3 hours in her crib at night after we do our bedtime routine, which gives me time to do a few things like crochet and get paperwork done. I take her to our bed after that because I'm not ready to give up the co-sleeping yet, but it's nice to have the free time.

We got our first "uh-oh" call from daycare today. Apparently the primary caregiver grabbed another baby's bottle (they use the same type we do) and started feeding Emma from that bottle. Emma drank an ounce before the caregiver noticed, and apparently she freaked out. This happened at 11am, so they had to file a report, call the mom of the baby whose bottle they used (to ask her if she had any medical issues or diseases that I would need to be aware of -- she said none), and they finally called me at 2pm. (I also wonder if they knew I would be upset, so they delayed?)

In any case, it was breastmilk. I'm upset, of course, but I didn't freak out and the poor caregiver was so upset and crying because she knew I had been upset about feedings before and she knew I was off of all dairy because of Emma's sensitivity (and this mom is not). Ultimately, I told her that I would be more upset if it were formula! But since it was breastmilk, it really wasn't a big deal. Well... it is, but it's not. I don't know if that makes sense.

Thankfulness

I'm very thankful to everyone's support through this daycare thing. I talked with the primary caregiver again, and had a much more productive conversation with her. I really feel like Emma doesn't want/like bottles and is just struggling with them at daycare, and she isn't fussy there like she is at home when she's hungry. Plus, she's now reverse-cycling, so for the last two nights she's eating 6-7 times in between when we've gone to bed and gotten up. It's a lot for me to be up that often, but it's worth it to make sure she's got enough to eat. I'll update tomorrow after the ped appointment with her weight.

Over the last few days, she's really been eyeballing the cups that Joe and I have been drinking from, and actually reaching for them a couple of times. I remember reading that it's easier for babies to drink from a cup than from a bottle, so today we put some freshly expressed breastmilk in a cup and gave her a little bit. She was SO happy. She sucked it right down. Took it much better than she would a bottle, and after two sips, she was done. I know I can't ask daycare to use a cup, but it's nice to know that Daddy has another option.

I'm also trying to remain thankful that I have a job and a home to come to after work. Things got slow at work again, and whenever my hours drop below a certain point, I begin to worry about making ends meet.... but what goes down, must come up at some point. I imagine I'll be worrying about being too busy next week, lol!

On a side note, although I didn't post yesterday, I didn't forget my second angel's EDD yesterday. She would have turned one year old, and I miss my little fighter that only made it 7w3d. I am thankful I've got her sister here with me, and that she's watching over us.

Daycare... Again

I feel so frustrated, and maybe I have no reason to be.

Emma took 2 bottles in the 9 hours she was at daycare today. Or rather, I should say they gave her 2 of the 4 bottles I took. The primary caregiver wrote a long note on the back of her daily sheet, stating that it was against state licensing rules for them to wake up Emma for a feeding (which I had asked them to do if she went longer than 3 hours), and also that she didn't seem interested in feeding when they offered.

So in 9 hours, she took 6 ounces of milk. She had four wet and two poopy diapers while she was there, so I'm not worried about that as much as her weight. Again. If she's eating like that there, is she *really* getting enough from me while she's home?

Thank goodness we have our follow-up appointment with the pediatrician on Friday. I'm going to ask about whether that's ok or not in terms of how long she is going (she went from 7:30 to 11:15 without food, and then from 11:15 to 3:45 without food again. I fed her when we got home at 6pm). If it's not, I'll have her write a physician's note, state licensing rules be darned.

I was going to take a picture of her in the cute little outfit that she wore to daycare and post it too, but apparently she had a blowout at daycare. Second day in a row! Have I mentioned how much a HATE disposable diapers?!?!

I love my little girl... I just want what's best for her. Hopefully I'm not being too over-protective.

Deep Breath

It was NOT a good night or morning....

* We tried to put her in her bassinet for the first portion of last night. She must have suspected something was up because she wouldn't fall asleep while being rocked like she normally does, and she was very fussy. It took until 8:30 and Daddy rocking her before she fell asleep, then we transferred her into the bassinet -- she lasted there for 10 minutes before she woke up and was crying. It took until 9pm to get her to sleep again.

* After an initial 2.5 hours of sleep, she was up almost every hour, squirming and whimpering. Then she'd let out a big fart, and immediately start to cry. It sounded like it really hurt her. It took a long time of patting her and cuddling to get her to calm down and go back to sleep. So none of us got a good night of rest.

* The first thing Mommy discovered when we got out of bed this morning is that Aunt Flo decided to come for her first post-partum visit. 10 weeks, 5 days after delivery, AND I'm breastfeeding! I had no tell-tale dip in my supply (thank goodness) but I should have noticed when my skin did it's normal thing and I've been extra moody lately.

* Then we decided to try the bottle. OMG, I hate bottle feeding. She was giving the hunger cues, so we got the bottle of breastmilk out of the fridge and started heating it up. It took FOREVER to heat it up! By the time it was ready, she was practically hysterical. But she ate 1.5 ounces of breast milk from the bottle for Mommy, so at least I know she'll take it.

Ironically enough, she fell asleep at the bottle, so I laid her down in her crib and thought I'd go get breakfast. 5 minutes later she was up and crying, so I picked her up and breastfed her, and she ate readily, then fell right back asleep and is now out on my chest, poor thing. Just too much going on. I'm happy that she takes right to the breast after a bottle though.

I foresee a nap in everyone's future today!

Strange Night

I've been up since 4am, and once again, everyone else in the house is asleep except me. Although Daddy did come and help out at 5:30 so I could get some sleep, I just couldn't. However, I feel like we had a breakthrough last night! As normal, she fell asleep on Mommy around 7:30 and she slept there until we transferred her to bed around 10:45. She got a diaper change at that point, a TRIPLE-stuffed diaper! Yes, it had two microfiber inserts plus a hemp insert on top. She roused at 1am, 3:30am, 5am and 6am to eat (she usually goes every 2-3 hours, so not sure what was going on with that) but was not wet enough to wake up or squirm for her diaper to be changed.

At 6:15am, she finally needed to be changed and boy, was that diaper heavy! Yes, we actually weighed it -- the triple-stuffed diaper itself weighed 6.5 oz, the soaked diaper weighed 13oz!! And yet her skin stayed mostly dry. I am so impressed.

Daddy watched her while I ate breakfast and pumped, and then they both went back to bed. She's napping in her crib (YAY!!) and he's in bed. I got 7.5 oz out of both breasts this morning, which puts me at officially 100.5 oz of breastmilk in the freezer. I'm so happy about that! I should try to take a nap while everyone else is asleep, but I thought I'd update here and then try to nap a little later. I am completely exhausted.

Between 4am and 5:30am, I did a lot of thinking again. I thought a lot about Emma's namesake -- her Great-Grandma Emma, and how I wish they could have met. Grammy (as we called her) was a neat person, but died in the 80's. She would have turned 98 this year, if she were still alive.

I also thought about how conflicted I feel about some things with our Emma. I'm SO proud of breastfeeding and cloth diapering our child, but I feel so confused about the co-sleeping. On one hand, I love co-sleeping... I love cuddling with her, and being able to immediately feed her when she needs it, and comforting her when she's restless. But I think I really need my space in bed, and to sleep in a position where I'm not worried about squishing her, and I also am someone uncomfortable because all the "experts" say that co-sleeping is a bad thing (despite most of the Moms I've talked to saying they've co-slept at one point or another). I fear that when she starts day care in 2 weeks, she's not going to nap or take a bottle there and just scream bloody murder the entire time she's away from Mommy. It's just going to break my heart.

*sigh* We'll figure it out eventually. My little angel is 10 weeks old today. It does not seem possible that she's already this old!

Super-Mom?

This morning I feel like Super Mom. Emma had a terrible night last night (she didn't get a good afternoon nap, so she was amazingly fussy and was quite gassy -- so apparently Mommy's experiment with dairy didn't work and I get to go off of dairy again), but after she got to bed, she did ok. She got up at 5:30am with a large poo that Daddy changed, and then was WIDE awake. So I stayed awake with her, fed her around 6:30, and then rocked her back to sleep. I put her down in her crib so we wouldn't bother Joe and he could sleep (usually I wake him up to watch her when I'm pumping), and she stayed asleep with the help of Mr. Bear. So I pumped and now am getting ready to grade papers for my online class.

Not to mention that I pumped almost 12 oz between the two today, and since I started pumping on Feb 16th, I have frozen 93 ounces of breastmilk! I don't think I'm really going to have problems with getting enough milk for the first day of work (knock on wood).

Strange feeling, being the only one awake in the house -- and the one who got the least amount of sleep! :)

Ten Pounds!

Yes, my daughter is "officially" in the double-digit weight category. After much fretting about the color of her poo, her weight, her eating, etc., I decided to take her to the hospital to get her weighed. They have a great free infant scale in the back of the mother's clinic there. I also thought this was a good opportunity to do a pre- and post-feeding weight.

Pre-feeding, she was 10 lb, 1.4oz; post-feeding she was 10lb, 3.3oz. So she is definitely getting a good amount of milk when eating! That made me feel happy, especially since this was only the second time she's nursed out in public.

We've gotten into somewhat of a routine now that we're almost 2 months old. We get up between 6:30 and 7am usually (although this morning it was closer to 7:30am; Mommy had been up since 4am, sadly enough... but that's for another post). We eat, and then Mommy pumps an hour later. Today I got 5oz out of my right breast, and 2.5 out of the left (which is the one she had eaten from an hour earlier). That 5oz amazed and scared me! Anyway, so then there's a mid-morning nap, then an early-afternoon nap (which is going on right now on my chest), and a late-afternoon/early evening nap. We start getting her ready for bed around 7pm, and between a bath/reading/rocking ritual, she's bypassed much of her evening fussiness.

I took half of that 5oz and put it in the freezer, and then put the other in the fridge. I want to get an idea of how much fat/cream is in that milk and how much appears to just be thin, watery milk -- some of my frozen milk looks very watery, and some looks creamy. I know the milk consistency changes over the day, but again, just something I can do to reassure myself that the milk has some good cream. I have been wondering about my own diet and how it affects the breast milk -- since I've gone off dairy, I've essentially been on a low-fat, high-fiber diet and maybe lower fat in my diet means less fat in the milk? Who knows.

In any case, I feel happier that since last week's appointment with the pediatrician, she's gained a fair amount and now that she's over 10 pounds, I feel I can relax somewhat. Our next appointment is next Thursday for her 2 month appointment and it's also her first vaccination.

We had a great visit with Ms. Tracy yesterday and I have some pictures to upload, when I get a chance. Right now I'm just going to snuggle with Emma and maybe close my eyes.... 3 hours of broken sleep is just not enough. It does lend itself to a LOT of night time thinking about life, however!

8 weeks, 3 days

That's how old my little girl is! How time is flying by, and I'm not ready for her to be growing up this fast. But the bigger she gets, the more adorable things she does. Just a few updates.

* Last night went pretty well! She fell asleep on her OWN at 7pm, and Mommy ended up waking her up a little later to change a diaper, feed her and put her in her nightgown. Then once she was in bed with Mommy (around 10:30), we woke up only twice to eat and change very, very, very wet diapers. Well, I woke up -- she slept through both! She's been sleep nursing and will stay mostly asleep through a diaper change (although she is crying/fussing, I know she's still asleep). Now, we've been up since about 5:30am because she had a poo that needed to come out and was bothering her (and poor thing, it didn't come out until 8am and it was HUGE -- and yes, still green), so that's tiring but ok. She's in the middle of her mid-morning nap here on my chest.

* Mommy pumped both breasts again this morning in between her feedings, and got 2.5 oz from one and 3.0 oz from the other. There's officially over 13 oz of breast milk in the freezer, yay! I'm not sure how big of a freezer stash I really need or want, but I just feel good that my body is easily responding to the pumping and still producing enough an hour later for her next feeding. Now, the big thing is ordering a hand's-free bra because trying to manage pumping and pushing buttons and such is a pain in the behind. :)

* A good friend is coming over to visit this morning, and I am so excited. She's been amazing and so supportive through my whole ttc and pregnancy frustrations, even while she was dealing with her own struggles. AND I got a wonderful couple of packages in the mail on Tuesday from Maurine, which had the most adorable t-shirts for Emma and some delicious chocolate for Mommy (and I'm not sharing with Joe!! Heheheh). I'm blessed to have such good people in my life!

Smiles & Giggles

Emma is smiling and laughing quite frequently now, and she'll smile to get a response out of us. Some of the things she'll respond to is when Daddy or Mommy ask if she "wants kisses," and she knows the word "kiss" means she's going to get a big kiss on the cheek, lips or chin. Sometimes she'll even turn her head when we're going for a cheek so she can give us kisses too.

Today I learned that she likes Mommy's impressions! I did a (very bad) French accent, and she was giggling at me, and then I did a Fargo-esque Minnesota accent, and she liked that too! I guess I'm going to have to figure out a few more for her.

She's still got a little snot and when she's crying hard, she'll cough, but generally she's a lot better. Her poo is still green, but there's more yellow-ish stuff mixed in, and I think I'm just going to relax as long as she's pooing ok. We're still getting a LOT of very wet diapers, so she's definitely eating enough.

I'm starting my work morning routine, so today we got up at 6:30, and got ready for our day and ate, and the Mommy pumped about an hour after she ate. I got just about 2.5 oz from each breast, so that's 5 more oz for the freezer. I'm hoping to get a little freezer stash, just enough that if Joe and I want to go out to eat or to a movie, or if I ever need to go to a workshop and can''t pump, she's covered.

And now for your viewing pleasure, today's outfit!


The onsie says "I Love Hugs", and she did have matching blue pants that she was wearing. We haven't had any spitup today so far, so we're still on Outfit #1! :)

Mommy's Thoughts

While Daddy is upstairs, getting Emma to sleep, I thought I would pop back on and just put a few of my rambling thoughts here tonight. As much as I enjoy posting the pictures, I do want to share some more meaningful (or not) things.

Tomorrow my daughter will be 8 weeks old. It does not seem possible that she is already this old, yet she is still so little and needs us so much. She's got so much personality already, and I cannot believe how much I love her. Every day she does something that amazes me, or makes my heart swell with joy. With that also comes the intense worry and frustration when she is upset and Mommy can't "fix" what is wrong. Today, for example, she was coughing so hard and it just hurt her *so* much, and all I can do is hold her and rock her. What a helpless feeling, knowing I can't make the hurt go away, but at least I can be there for her.

I'm so proud of Joe and I for some of the small things we're doing for her. We're going on almost a month of exclusive cloth diapering, and he's as proficient at it, if not more, than I am! Today we had gone 48 hours without doing a load of diapers, which is wonderful for us and tells me that she's getting better at pottying too. He's so good at soothing her, and is reading in both Arabic and French to her. I'm happy to know that she's grown so much on just my breastmilk, and that breastfeeding is very soothing to her too. We've even started to master sleep/dream nursing.

Every time we dress her, or look at things in her room or around the house, I'm just amazed at the generosity of friends and our family. Emma is so loved, and cared for by so many people, and my heart is so full. I hope and pray that someday we can give her a sibling, but even if we cannot, she will have a huge number of people in her life to play with and enjoy. What a great blessing!

Breastfeeding

Miss Emma and I are at 6 weeks of almost-exclusive breastfeeding. That third-shift nurse who convinced me that Emma would *die* if I didn't allow them to give her formula that first night can just stuff it. She got some formula in the hospital, and a little bit at home, and then half a bottle the night Mommy had her D&C, but other than that, she's been an EBF baby!

She went from 6 lb, 5oz at birth to 6 lb 1 oz at discharge, and now is 9 lb, 8 1/2 oz! Mommy just loves that it's due to the milk that I'm making with my body. Amazing!

Body Image

A poster on another site shared this, and I wanted to put it here because I love it. This will remind me to accept my body for what it is, no matter whether it gets back down to pre-pregnancy and pre-ttc weight!

antithesis

I am large in my skin
I make no apology
This belly grew three babies
Why should it be flat?
It curves with the memory of the womb.
These breasts fed three babies
Why should they be pert?
They swell with the memory of milk.
These hips carried three children
Why should they be slim?
They are full with the memory of life.
My bones are secret under flesh
My skin plump and white and fine
Mine is the face of Botticelli
Mine is the water of the Nile
Mine is the shape of things forbidden
Daughter of Gaia, grown beautiful and wild.

~Lorri Barrier
(poem published in Mothering Magazine, Sept/Oct 08)

Brief Check-In

Thank you everyone for your support, prayers and love.... the emergency D&C went well. Apparently they had to pull out several large clots also, and I lost some blood, so they gave me a transfusion after I woke up. There was the beginning of some infection, so they also gave me IV antibiotics during surgery. I feel MUCH better -- the cramping and heavy bleeding has stopped, and I'm just extremely fatigued.

Joe's sister flew out from Chicago and has been amazing -- she stayed up with Emma last night ALL night so we could sleep, and there was enough breastmilk pumped to get her through the night. So the only formula she got was at the hospital -- I actually breastfed her before I went into surgery (according to the nurses in pre-op, it was the first time that had happened!).

The OB gave me the OK to breastfeed after 12 hours (her concern was that I would be too weak to hold Emma), so we were breastfeeding at 8:30 am already. I woke up twice during the night to pump just to make sure my supply was going to keep going. We're back on schedule.

We had my friend Jane come over to hold her for a few hours, which was wonderful... and Emily will come over later (I'll give you a call after my nap!). We're going to survive. Honestly, I was so scared yesterday I just didn't know what to do. And another D&C... just, ugh. But we're back as a family and we'll be ok.

More updates later.... today is a day of rest and relaxation for Mommy & Daddy.

Quick Update from Ob

I do have retained placenta -- about a 2 inch piece. They are worried about infection (VERY worried) and I am going in a couple of hours to have a D&C to remove it.

The good things...

*My hemaglobin is up to 7.5, which is a great thing considering how I am bleeding.
*Nothing is wrong with my little angel -- she's still perfect!

The scary things...

*I don't want surgery -- I'll have to have general, which means I'll feel like crud and won't be able to breastfeed her for 24 hours (pump and dump). I've already pumped as much as I can since we got home and will do more, but it means she has to do bottle and formula for a day. :(
*I'm scared. I'm scared of surgery, of the possible complications, and of not being able to take care of my little girl.

Go in at 6pm, surgery at 8pm, hopefully home by midnight if all goes well. Joe will be in charge of Emma at the hospital that entire time, and then we're having his sister fly in and some other people come over to help tomorrow so he can get some rest.

Good thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated... I may not be able to update for a day or so, but I'll try.

Breastfeeding Baby Jesus

Linking from the post on the LJ breastfeeding community... this made me sob with how beautiful it is.... just amazing!

Breastfeeding Continued

I love all the help, by the way!

So we did better today... nursing is still stuck at about 10 minutes before she wears out and sleeps, but she also suckles much better once we get her latched. If she keeps falling asleep while we're trying to latch, I'm giving up, letting her rest for a little while and then waking her back up.

Today so far... let's see....

9:15 am -- boob for 15 minutes
9:35 am -- pee
11:15 -- pee
11:17 -- boob for 20 minutes (best latch ever!), did another 5 minutes later
11:35 or so -- pee
1:30 -- attempted feeding, no waking up
2:20 -- boob for 15 minutes
4:20 -- boob for 10 min
5:00 -- VERY fussy... Mommy was sleeping and Daddy had her
6:30 -- boob for 10 minutes, changed pee before
6:45 -- big pee, some farting with a little bit of poo in it (but nothing big)

So far, that's not too bad.... still would like to see some longer feedings, but now that I'm getting a handle on the engorgement, it might help her suckle longer. When she gets a good latch, she is getting a lot of deep sucks.

Hopefully Mommy can get a little nap in between all the BF tonight!

We have POOP!

Sometime around 3am, we had a BIG poop. She's past the meconium stage, and last night it was more of a honey-brown color, consistency was soft and gooey, not sticky. *whew* Mommy felt so much better. She was very gassy yesterday, so I think that's the rest of the formula coming out of her system. We are officially 30 hours past when she last had any formula (and NO MORE! I'm still upset with that nurse).

We had one successful breast feeding last night, and one this morning. I woke her up with what I thought were the first signs of hunger (likely in the middle however) and it took us about 20 minutes for her to calm down after stripping down to her diaper for her to relax enough to latch. We had a fair latch -- not great, but she was getting lots of milk.

Going to call LLL today, and the LC at Riverside, as well as having Emily come over and give me a hand. Right now the issues as I see them are...

1) She "hates" naked time. When she is undressed for any reason -- changing diapers or BF -- she gets very angry and it takes a long time to calm her.

2) Shallow latch. She gets latched, but then will de-latch very frequently. I think she de-latched and I re-latched her about 10-12 times this morning.

3) Falling asleep quickly. Once we get a good latch, she'll get going and then after about 10 minutes she'll fall asleep and even with all the techniques, it's difficult to rouse her.

And speaking of my little angel and BF, she's starting to rouse (eye fluttering, some rooting) so I'm going to give this another try. Em -- I'll call you in a little while!

Christmas Blessing

Brief post while she is resting...

This Christmas, we are truly blessed. Our angel is really a sweet little girl -- she's having more waking time, and is so beautiful. I feel SO good about what we've done with her so far, and that both Joe and I are dealing with the sleep deprivation ok.

I wish...

*I felt more capable as a mom! I have tons of questions, and I have no idea if we're doing things right.

*Breastfeeding was going better. I'm making tons of milk, but she does NOT like being naked and at the breast, and her latching is getting worse. Unfortunately, the LC is not working this weekend because of the holiday, so Monday is the first time I can get a consult. The bottom line is that one of the night shift nurses talked me into giving her a bottle that first night, and I caved... :( So now she is wanting more and more to have a bottle nipple instead of mine. Plus, now I'm dealing with engorgement, so it's harder for her to suckle. I am pumping for a few minutes to relieve the engorgement and soften the breast, but she is just not a fan of side sucking. We tried football hold (best success at the beginning, now not so much), cross hold and then tonight, side lying (which was hard becuase my nipple points the wrong direction). :( (Moms, any help? Suggestions?)

*She would poop. She's gone almost 36 hours without a poop, but is having plenty of wet diapers.

Monday is our pediatrician's appointment -- I cannot wait until it gets here so I can get some reassurance that this is all normal and ok!!