Memory Shawl

I've never crocheted a shawl before, but I wanted to do this in memory of my Mom, who taught me how to crochet. I picked the colors to represent how I'm feeling right now (black and grey with shades of purple), and also picked out some yarn for Cousin Heather, so she could crochet along with me if she'd like. I picked a shawl project so I could wrap this around me when I was missing my Mom and feel like I was getting one of her warm hugs. The yarn was purchased on 3/5/11 and I finished the shawl on 4/3/11. I wore it today at work, and it brought me a lot of joy.

Just a Year Ago....

I was sitting in my living room, bouncing on my exercise ball and timing my contractions. We left for the hospital a few hours from now. Tonight I'm watching my baby girl sleep, preparing for a long (long, long, long!) day at work tomorrow, and wondering at the amazing changes in such a short year. I hope to have time to post some pictures and update tomorrow. My little one is turning ONE YEAR OLD!!

Memories

December is a month of memories for me. On this date, three years ago, we learned that we had lost our first baby. I was supposed to be 10 weeks, 4 days along (or something close to that). When I think of that night, those weeks, I remember the pain and grief.... and I realize that even today, there is a profound loss of innocence that I'll not be able to re-capture.

One year ago today, I was rubbing my belly and experiencing my little Trouble kicking, rolling and moving around, reminding me that she was there, alive and with me at every moment. I was so filled with love, and with hope. It was indescribable.

And now... today, I watch my daughter fall asleep in my arms, nestled in her blanket after a day of playing and giggling, of throwing herself at Daddy, burying her face in my neck for snuggles, and it's still amazing, still heart-stopping. I hope and pray I never, ever take her for granted.

And so this isn't just a sappy, word-filled post, here's a video of the last time we were at the zoo, and shots of our backyard fun later on that day. :)

What a Difference...

a year makes! One year ago today, we had our IUI on our most expensive infertility cycle to date (injectables) and I was feeling hopeful, only to have my hopes dashed just two weeks later. Today I am holding my little girl in my arms, and feeling blessed to have her.



Unfortunately, I'm struggling a lot with my emotions right now. On one hand, I want her to be able to sleep and play without me so that she'll transition well to day care, but on the other hand, I really love being able to be there for her and provide her all the love and care she needs. I cried tonight when she fell asleep in the swing, rather than in my arms. Stupid, right? As we get closer and closer to the time I need to return to work and she goes to someone else during the day, I get sadder and more anxious. I know I'll adjust, but it just seems so difficult right now. :(